Friday, July 14, 2017

Mazes

My life is made up of mazes.

I navigate my mind,

We all navigate my actions.

Something as simple as a schedule change can throw off my carefully choreographed dance.

Some physical annoyance can throw up a wall in front of me and make me want to run away.

I hate the mazes, but I love the journey.

I hate having to try so hard, but I love trying.

I love succeeding.

I love finding the secret passages out of the mazes that used to trap me.

I feel freer every day I try.

3 comments:

  1. Hello Kaylie. I just want to let you know that when you come to South in the fall, I hope you don't experience school stress and lots and lots of unnecessary discipline. This all happened to me during my next few years of high school. It all started with my favorite toy, Paulie. There's a reason why I have him with me all the time (same with Brother and Sister). He's a very loving, comforting doll. When I hug him, I feel that I am comforted and loved by someone. Do you have a favorite doll or picture? If so, you deserve to have that doll or picture with you all the time, that way you feel that there's someone there for you when you're feeling sad or upset. Mrs. Schultz understood that too. She loved Paulie, and I'm sure she'd feel really happy whenever she would see me with him. Another thing at school that made me stressed was when I talked about going to Chuck E Cheese with my little cousin Michaela during that weekend, one of the kids wasn't using her kindness and called me a baby. My heart started to break. I felt like running away and never turning back. Calling someone a baby could hurt their feelings, especially someone with autism, like you and me. Me and that kid got into many fights during her last year, and I always mad at her and she always blamed me for everything, causing me to be treated with unnecessary discipline. I was yelled at for the many mistakes and meltdowns I have had, and the reason why I didn't like that kid is because of how bad she treated my Paulie. She would run away with him and beat him up. I felt very horrible and I didn't understand why she would do that. Maybe it's because she thinks I act like a little kid. Maybe it's because she doesn't want me to have friends. How would you feel if someone took away your favorite toy and beat it up in front of you and all of your friends? Wouldn't that make you feel awful? And that's why I started going to TLC. TLC is a way to escape the school stress you have had, it's an after school program where you have amazing friends and watch movies, listen to music and even color. I love it here, so do Paulie and Brother and Sister. I feel comforted and loved by them, especially my friends at TLC. I hope you don't experience the stress I have had with that kid. I hope you don't get called a baby for watching Sesame Street and Strawberry Shortcake. Wouldn't that make you feel awful too? Dad keeps telling me that she has autism too, but I don't even know that she has autism, which means that you're autistic friend. He also tells me that she has microcephaly, which means she was born with a small brain, but sometimes people don't understand other people's disabilities. I hope people at school get to understand our disabilities a bit more now that we're becoming friends. Another stressful thing was when at Digital Media at Harkness we were asked to find a short video to show because it was Friday and it was warm out. I showed one of the videos I made on my YouTube channel, which was Brother and Sister singing along to my favorite song. Some of the people loved it, but then one day, I was called down to Ms. Frank's room and Ms. Frank wasn't using her kindness, she told me that what I showed was a little kids video. I was heartbroken by what she said, I really wanted to escape this horrible situation, so I decided to remove the video. I thought it would be cute since I love Brother and Sister so much and I want other people to understand too, but now, I don't want to think about the abuse she has given. I hope you don't experience abuse and discipline during your years at Williamsville South. Whatever happens, I will protect you and I will always be there for you (just like a friend once said to me). If you like I can write a poem about the stress I had at school.

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    Replies
    1. What I meant was that you're my first autistic friend. I hope you understand that. Do loud noises seem to bother you? They bother me sometimes.

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  2. You know what? Seeing you in summer school always brings me good luck. And I'm already hoping that you and I are in a class together next year.

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