Wednesday, January 17, 2018

You get to hear what has ben going on in my life the past month.  I've made what I would call a lot of progress.  School has been going better.  I'm getting more comfortable with the people there.  I have worked hard to not be aggressive with anyone even if I'm frustrated.  

Mom has also had some interesting things going on.  She organized a workshop with Soma, who is the creator of RPM.  She had to coordinate a lot.  Mom did an amazing job along with her partner, Laurie.  They work well together.  The workshop went great.  I got to work with the amazing Soma two times.  She decided to see how I would do with making an attempt to write.  Made me a little stressed because I don't write very often.  I was totally able to do it though.  I was so proud of myself.  Like the idea of being able to write my thoughts in addition to typing.  The amazing thing is I would be able to take tests without someone holding my keyboard.

I used to think that I was never going to be able to fit in.  Wouldn't want to go places.  Going another way was easier than facing the challenge of facing my fear of making a scene and embarrassing myself.  Must work the hardest to remain calm when I feel stressed.  That has always been a struggle for me.  I was always the kid screaming and disrupting other liked kids.  Some kids with autism run away, others laugh uncontrollably, I scream.  I wish I could stop doing it altogether, but at least I do it a lot less.  Sometimes I'm just unable to.  Would love to be able to type and tell people what's wrong, but my autism just takes over and I lose the ability to type coherent thoughts.  I'm sorry because I know that people want to help me, but sometimes it's just possible.

I'm basically another white kid who has been able to succeed because my parents have the resources to hire tutors and teachers to work with me.  Mom really wants to help kids make progress like I have been able to.  Through her nonprofit, she wants to make the sessions with RPM providers affordable for everyone.  Love that she is trying to help.  Hopefully they will get what they need to be able to accomplish that during their April fundraiser.  If you want to donate to mom's nonprofit, you can go to their website.

Sunday, January 14, 2018

Active Participation

I am so grateful to the people who have helped me get to where I am today.

It makes me happier than I can say that I have so many people that I can rely on.

It also makes me happy that I can add my name to that list.

Existence can be a scary place when even you yourself can't predict what you will do.

But I am learning to trust myself.

I've taken all the puzzle pieces my helpers have handed me and now I'm putting together a beautiful picture.

A beautiful life to be sure.

I am so happy to be able to put myself into it,

So happy that it has become uniquely mine.

Tuesday, November 21, 2017


The theme of thanks is very prevalent this time of year.

How could I be anything but thankful for my wonderful family and all the amazing opportunities I've been given.

Yet some part of me still wonders if people assume I'm bitter because I have to live around my autism.

I'm here to dispel every part of that myth.

I don't live around my autism.

I live very wholeheartedly WITH it.

There are tough days, but I'm thankful I found a way to communicate with those around me.

I'm thankful that my support system is the strongest I've ever seen.

So if you asked me if I'm bitter, I would tell you that being bitter just takes away from all the flavor life has to offer.

And if you asked me if I'm grateful, you would be met with a resounding yes!

Monday, October 23, 2017

A Simple Choice

I think people underestimate the importance of being able to make their own choices.

When you don't have trouble saying yes or no, you don't realize how many times a day you use those words.

I hope the world gives me the opportunity to say them.

To say yes, I want to be your friend.

Or even no, I don't want ketchup on that.

I suppose the world has the option not to accept me.

But I want to make their choice easy.

They will respond to me with a resounding "yes"!!

Monday, October 16, 2017

High School

You are probably wondering what I'm doing now.  I've been having some difficulties adjusting to high school.  You really yearn to hear that everything is perfect.  Having some hard time spelling with all my new people.  Many of them are well intentioned, but they are expecting too much too soon.  We might school them more to help them try some different things.  Being the only kid they've ever had who is completely nonverbal has presented them with some new challenges.  Feel that it is going to work out eventually.  Gets easier to spell with my new aide almost every day.  She is so nice and patient, even when I'm aggressive.  Going to try with her so getting good grades can become possible.

Had about three other things that I wanted to tell you about.  Got to really like my math class.  Having two great teachers in math needed to happen so I would have a chance to succeed.  This used to be something my parents thought would be really hard for me to do without being able to write, but we've figured out it with using a laminated board with some of the most important math symbols on it.  Math is now Mom's favorite thing to do with me.  Can't everyone understand real school sees that I'm intelligent.  More kids need the chance I've been given.

It didn't go well in my Global class at first.  Got in trouble for not participating.  He said I was being insubordinate.  My parents had to go and meet with all my teachers and teach them more about autism.  They didn't understand that very often I'm suffering.  Want to participate, but my autism won't let me.  My Global teacher has been so much more patient and understanding since that meeting and faces people and sticks up for his autistic student.  Best class now.

Lastly, I want to tell you about my Homecoming dance.  The dance was so much fun.  Wanted to stay longer, but paid aide needed to leave.  Needed really not much supervision, but it was nice having her to walk around with.  My sister danced lots with me and we took pictures together.  Weekend was the the greatest.

I'm so happy I'm experiencing the whole high school machine.  Going to high school was a scary prospect.  Big things changed, but I'm doing my best to adapt.  Having fun while I do it.  Can't wait for spelling to come easier - then I will prove I belong.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Accepting being autistic has been hard for me.  Getting various therapies has helped me a lot, but there is no cure for autism.  Growing up with the knowledge that having a happy life would be hard.  Miss out on so many things such as learning to drive, meeting young men, and marrying someone.  

Having my parents having to help me with so many things still is embarrassing.  The really sad thing is I can do all these things in my head, but I just can't get my body to cooperate.  My wish is that doing things for myself soon becomes easier.  Shame that meeting this wish is going to take so much work.  

Meeting my goals is important.  Used to think that talking was the most important thing to be able to do.  I really don't know if I will ever talk, but all my thoughts at least have value now.  Maybe someday you will hear my actual voice, but for now I'm typing loud and clear.  

Mom and lots of people can type with me.  I'm looking forward to typing with some new people when I start high school.  I've had a tough summer because I've been so nervous about how I would do at South.  Mom has helped me get over my nerves.  Now I'm mostly just excited basically.

Saturday, August 5, 2017

The Heat Is On

My nerves have been a little too edgy lately.

They leave me feeling like I can't relax.

But it's because I'm too relaxed.

The summer sun has my brain fried like an egg on the sidewalk.

The languid heat makes my life move slower than molasses.

I'm drowning in the sticky sweetness.

There definitely is too much of a good thing.

And now I'm stuck in limbo.

Do I want to stay where I'm bored or rush toward an overwhelming future?

Where is the middle ground?

How can I light a fire under time?

And how can I make time freeze when summer is so hot?

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Piece of Mind

Sometimes, I contradict myself.

I've worked so hard to get my thoughts out.

I've said I want to be an open book.

But sometimes, I wish I had more privacy.

Everyone I know, knows everything about me, except all I wish they knew.

I want to talk about interests, not actions.

I want to talk about my mind, not my body, and what it does and why.

I feel like I'm inside out.

I hope one day my mind will spill over and out.

My head is a very interesting place, and people deserve to go there with me.

I wish my body was more my own, but everyone can have a piece of my mind.
My body ad my mind are restless,

But in different ways.

Sometimes I can't stop my body,

Most of the time, I don't want to stop my mind.

Maybe just slow it a bit here and there.

What I want most is understanding 

Of myself,

By myself,

For myself,

And for everyone else.

I want to be self-explanatory in a sense.

I want to know myself well enough to know others and the world around me.

I want my journey of self discovery to start now.

Friday, July 14, 2017


My life is made up of mazes.

I navigate my mind,

We all navigate my actions.

Something as simple as a schedule change can throw off my carefully choreographed dance.

Some physical annoyance can throw up a wall in front of me and make me want to run away.

I hate the mazes, but I love the journey.

I hate having to try so hard, but I love trying.

I love succeeding.

I love finding the secret passages out of the mazes that used to trap me.

I feel freer every day I try.