Monday, January 7, 2019

Walking through life has had its ups and downs lately.  Great things happen one day and the next something bad happens.

Let me tell you about the good things.  I'm learning to access my real voice.  So happy to tell you that I said "Mom" for the first time.  This has taken several months, placing much trust in caring speech therapist named Leah.  She has been so patient, stopping her doubts from creeping in even though she's never worked with someone like me. It makes certain people nervous working with me, but Leah likes my challenging her.  Now making progress every day. 

The best thing thats happened lately is that I now have a boyfriend. He's from Canada and is also nonverbal and types to communicate.  He is so sweet to me.  Feeling we are a perfect match.  He makes me feel pretty and loved.  I'm doing my best to survive without seeing him that often.  Going that far has been hard. He's come down and seen me. Doing the same for him soon is important to me.  My mom has done a good job planning activities where I get to see him. Right after Thanksgiving we had tickets to a Sabres game.  My aunts company donated their suite so lots of friends could meet in a low stress environment.  Plans like that are so much fun and as an added bonus they played really well and won their tenth game in a row. 

That these days have also been rough almost goes without saying.  My autism hasn't been easy to deal with lately.  My aggression makes me hurt myself and the people who I care most about.  Makes me so sad when I hurt my loved ones.  I need to get control of this.  Makes me nervous having no control and the more nervous I get the more likely I am to lose control.  It's a vicious out of control make my armpits sweat kind of situation.  Mom and Dad have tried to help. Having their love and support makes things easier.  Now Dad gets mad sometimes, but I understand he wants happy Kaylie not mean Kaylie.  Mom thinks everyone my autism hurts understands.  I'm sorry but not really.  I'm hoping starting birth control will help with my mood swings.

Having autism is my life. There's not a cure.  It's daring me to fail, but my feeling is that I was put on this Earth to show how much people with autism are capable of. We just need to be given a chance.

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